1976, 78 min. / Directed by Stu Segall
Reg. 2 PAL DVD / 1.33:1 / Mono / 17.99

Here's a short question for the older folks reading this: what do you remember about drive-ins? Having a good time with your family and friends? The concession stand? The classic movies? The fortunate thing about time is that many of the uncomfortable moments get swept under the rug, but here's the movie to bring it all back. The world of Drive-In Massacre is full of degenerate peeping toms, pregnant mistresses and the old standard "girlfriend who's buggin' you to marry her" syndrome. In many ways it's a ruination of that beautiful drive-in myth, and to make it worse the movie is even more tastless and inedible than the worst drive-in hotdog. The plot is shorter than some of the XXX programmers that ran in the later days of drive-In; here's the formula, repeated constantly: annoying couple with problems show at drive-in, argue, guy caves in and then they're both killed off with a big samurai sword. The special effects in this movie are the equivalent of watching old people fuck; unmotivated, contrived, stupid-looking. H.G. Lewis' films look more realistic. Of course in a slasher movie you need some red herrings and this film's got a carload of them; the goofy drive-in "custodial engineer" who used to be in the circus (the Drive-In was renovated circus ground, don't ask); the stupid manager who decides to keep the place open even after people start dropping like flies; and of course, the evil sex offender who goes to the movies to spy on the couples and masturbate (relationship problems must get him off). The funniest scenes in the movie involve the two tubby cops who inhabit the "police procedural drama" portion of the film; these two assholes plod through their investigation like slugs, steak-out of the drive-in dressed as a couple for no apparent reason and visit the house of our resident peeper to pull a good cop / bad cop routine on poor guy until he finally confesses "I only wanted to beat my meat!"

The movie has a very plain early synthesizer score ala John Carpenter's Assault on Precinct 13, even though it's somehow not even as complex or inspired as Assault's. The opening titles also give Carpenter stock actor George "Buck" Flower a co-writing credit, and Flower later plays a small role as a crazed lunatic in a drawn-out scene which has nothing to with movie. I always figured Buck was smarter than the drunkards and crazies that he usually plays but only a damaged intellect could possibly dream up this crap and actually put it in a script. Director Stu Segall is more well-known for excellent adult films like Marilyn Chamber's Up 'n Coming. At least Up 'n Coming actually has a proper ending, something that brain surgeons Flower and Segall couldn't seem to devise for this one. I'm not sure about actual entertainment, but this film might be good for the masochists and those who want to play something on the tv as they stick sewing needles into their bound enemies' collar bone. This is a film which just compells you harm yourself and others around you. Vipco's PAL DVD release of Massacre features an average 1.33:1 transfer and mono audio. It also has a nice illustrated cover, which I suggest you watch instead of the actual movie.This movie should be kept hidden, preferrably in the same place as that loaded gun or pornographic VHS collection. Do not watch this movie in the presence of loved ones or close friends under any circumstances as violence may ensue.